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5 Reasons Why Your Crush Is No Longer Interested In You

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We cherish it when we feel some sort of special connection with someone. You don’t feel special connections with people every day, which most of the times drives us to act a little bit insane and creepy in hopes to get that person with the special connections. However, in many cases we end up losing that person before we even start dating them exclusively.

So, before you creep out the person you like, and sit there wondering what went wrong, here are the possible actions you need to avoid:

Coming on too strong:

The following scenario is based on true life events: You saw someone for the very first time and you feel a spark. You go to them, talk, exchange numbers and the night ends well. What happens next is you call a lot, text and maybe go as far as telling that you like them so much even before going out on an official date. You might believe that former scenario says that you are nice, but in reality, it says you are a creep. Coming out too strong scares people away.

Don’t rush things and slow down.

Being too available:

Maybe you are leading a busy hectic life; but the moment the person you like texts, you throw everything away and become too available instantly. If you don’t show your crush that you have a life, you have plans, you need to get other things done; it might not work with your crush. Being too available all the time gives the false impression that you are someone who is needy with absolutely no life.

Too much enthusiasm:

It is cute to have butterflies and get excited when interacting with your crush. However, too much enthusiasm can be a turnoff to some people, specially if they are not acting as excited.

Be cool.

Doing all the work:

 

We can agree that you need to make effort to impress someone you like, you need to show them that you care. But, doing all the work and always going the extra mile doesn’t make you someone particularly interesting. You need to give the other person a chance to figure out what they actually and act accordingly, they need to make effort as well.

Sharing too much too soon:

Although it is nice when you feel comfortable enough to open up to someone, you need to filter what you share. Sharing too much too soon about yourself will probably leave the wrong impression about you. If not that, you are not leaving a room for the other person to ask you questions and truly get to know you.

 

 

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Relationship

The Romantic Notion: Time To Let Go of Romanticism

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Romance. Romantic love. How beautiful are these notions? I have already spoken about what is labeled as “romantic love” on more than one occasion. But this time I shall escalate it and speak about love for what it really is or should be. This time, I shall demonstrate that this notion that we all love, and desperately wish to have and to experience, is faulty, and does more wrong than it does us any good. I shall show that we all have been tricked by this romanticism into believing that something such s romantic love exists, when it really doesn’t–at least not in the sense it is portrayed.

So what is romantic love? Surely we all know it. It’s that thing that happens when two people fall in love with one another. Well, it could be wise to  know first that this notion hasn’t been here forever. It’s fairly recent, and brought to us with the blessings of poets and artists of the 18th century. Before that, unions and marriages were not based on a falling in love. Before that, unions and marriages were not based on falling in love. Unions before the 18th century were based on specific economic and social advantages. A man had a big farm and a woman had a number of sheep, so they would decide to form a union and get married.

Then Romanticism came along and promised us something different. Romanticism said hey: “you don’t have to think rationally about marriage anymore. Listen to your heart, to your feelings.” Romanticism tells us we will find someone, we will have a special feeling, we will fall in love, and it’ll be forever.

We all think this is exciting. We all patiently await this. We are deeply convinced by it, and we don’t doubt it for one minute.

Romanticism says we all have soulmates. There is exactly that one person (the soulmate) who is meant to be with exactly one person, and when it happens everything will be complete, and it’ll be forever, and eternity, and sunsets and beautiful days are what lies ahead.

But hey, what is wrong with this notion? This notion that we see in movies, hear in music, and real in novels. The answer is everything. But I will mention only two points which are very prevalent and fundamentally in romantic love.

Romanticism says that you will find our soulmate, and that person will love you for who you are. Wrong. That person fights with you exactly because he/she is beginning to use who you really are. Someone once said that the people who ov us end up leaving for the same reasons that brought them to us in the first place. Because who you really are is crazy. It’s insane and sometimes bad. Romanticism further says that we should show our partner the whole of us, the complete us. But no one really wants to see that. Certainly not the soulmate.”

The other thing romanticism urges is that when we are hurt we shouldn’t have to tell the person we love. Because he/she should already know how we feel. He/she loves us, so we keep silent, or we slam the door.

But why should we expect anybody at all to know how we feel without telling them how we feel? This is crazy. When someone is hurt, it’s not like a broken arm. The mere sight of an arm cast implies an injury in the body, but what about an injury in the soul? How are we to see that? How are we to fix that. The answer is: communication.

We should abandon the idea of fully exposing oneself to the other. If you expose yourself fully, then you show your partner how ugly you truly are. How dysfunctional and intolerant you are. Nobody wants to see that. You should never wait for the beloved to know or notice that you’re hurt. He/she is not a psychic, nor is it his/her job to be one. Communicate. Articulate your feelings. Show your partner that behind all that confidence and serious gaze there exists a baby who just wants a hug.

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Relationship

You Should NEVER Accept These In A Relationship

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Relationship

It seems to be the case that relationships are some of the hardest type of unions as they require a lot of enduring. In fact, according to Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Southern California, “the strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work.”

But as part of helping ourselves cope with this struggle, there are often things that we should not accept in any relationship, and below are some of the important ones:

  1. STOP ACCEPTING BEHAVIORS THAT BREAK YOUR TRUST. There is a reason that trust is number one – because trust is the most important in each and every kind of relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and it is mistrust which often destroys it.
  2. STOP ACCEPTING NEGATIVE ENERGY. A positive relationship should mostly be uplifting, leaving you feeling inspired for the next meeting. You shouldn’t leave each meeting with someone feeling drained and negative, and you surely shouldn’t accept this negative energy in your closest relationships.
  3. STOP ACCEPTING SLUGGISHNESS. In order to be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy with yourself. When life gets busy and hectic, making exercising together a priority can be challenging.
  4. STOP ACCEPTING COMPETITION. Remain supportive and encourage the other person to do his or her best while also putting in your greatest effort – as long as you try your hardest and cheer your partner on, you’ll both come out on top!
  5. STOP ACCEPTING THAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE. Whether or not the person verbalizes their dissatisfaction with you or you innately know that you must change in order for them to accept you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do not feel comfortable being yourself, which shouldn’t be acceptable to you under any circumstance.
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Relationship

Why Relationships Are So Demanding

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Romantic relationships are some of the most demanding type of unions there are. They weigh very heavily on us in a way that we recognize, but also in other ways that we do not necessarily see. The heavy weight which we don’t recognize is not something we don’t know, but rather something we don’t know that we know.

Let us keep it simple and talk about how this weight is created. The weight comes about as a result of certain paradoxes that take place within the relationship. These paradoxes are there for us to see, but we don’t always point at them and recognize them for what they are. Here are some of them:

  • Within the relationship, we gradually begin to demand certain things that we mistakenly think of as desires. They are in fact paradoxical. We demand a sense of belonging. We demand a sense of identity, but we also want transcendence and mystery.
  • We speak about security, but also about adventure. We want safety, but along with it we want risk and danger.
  • We demand comfort, but also edge. We demand novelty and a sense of originality, but we also want familiarity. We demand predictability and seek no unexpected events, but we also expect surprise.
  • We want the other to be our best friend and the person to trust and pour everything unto, but we also want to remain reserved and to keep things to ourselves. We wish to establish the strongest connection by getting the other as close as humanly possible, but at the same time expect the other to understand that we need distance and solitude.

It is all of these (and more) that put that heavy weight on our shoulders. We demand so much, we expect so much, but we don’t stop there: we then demand and expect the exact opposite from the other and somehow expect them to comply and understand. We don’t communicate it and we expect it to be applied.

How do we expect relationships to sustain with all of these existing? Why do we assume that they are all normal and have to be there? Why do we expect the other to have enough patience and understanding to live with these? How can we still claim to love the other when we treat them in ways that their energy cannot handle?

If we truly want to sustain our relationship with the other, we need to reflect on things like these. We need to re-visit our desires and evaluate them for what they are. We need to communicate it to the other.

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