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How To Know That You Have Pistanthrophobia: The Fear Of Trust? And How To Overcome It?

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Trust is a thing that’s hard to earn yet easy to break. It’s fragile. It’s a leap of faith. It’s a terrifying thing to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open up to someone else. For one thing, what if they don’t like what they see when you tear down all those walls you put up and show them your raw personality? That, I would say, is one of the most terrifying things when it comes to love.

Most of us have at least gone through disappointment or betrayal in love at some point in our lives. And we’ve all experienced how heartbreaking it is to trust again whoever wronged us. In itself, trust is not an easy task, but if you also suffer from pistanthrophobia, it can be almost impossible.

Pistanthrophobia is characterized by an irrational fear of building an intimate and personal relationship with others. Past hurtful stories or harmful experiences carry so much weight that fear overcomes the desire to trust others.

It’s like you’re carrying the weight of the person on your shoulder, not knowing what to do.

People with this condition begin to feel as if everyone sooner or later will disappoint or betray them. They become extremely distrustful and terrified. They’re afraid of the idea that past harms may be repeated and they don’t want to let that happen.

“I’ll never be happy, again.” “Why do people keep hurting me? What have I ever done to deserve this?” “It’s all my fault.” These are some of the billions of sentences you’ll hear from those who are afraid giving their precious trust to anybody.

Trust is exactly like a paper. When you crumble it, it doesn’t go back completely straightened afterwards, it leaves lines — that we call scars in life.

Trust is not free and it’s something you either have or don’t have: there’s no in-between. It grows out of months and years of shared relationships and experiences. We know it takes a long time to earn trust, but very little to lose it. However, they also say that the last thing we lose is hope and that time heals all wounds.

Their self-suggestions lead them to become antisocial and isolationist. Some of these behaviors are:

•Avoiding activities that involve close interpersonal contact.

•Becoming withdrawn because they fear criticism. There’s an exaggerated fear of being judged, rejected, or betrayed.

•Not attending events or meetings in which they have to meet with strangers they don’t know if they will like.

•Not taking any risks that could endanger their emotions. They are very reluctant to engage with other people. They feel dread when it comes to opening up to others.

•Trying to avoid intimate relationships due to their fear of being disappointed again. They don’t want to find a relationship again because of their panic that their trust will be misplaced again.

Normally, difficulty in trusting others starts with a distrust in oneself. This distrust directly affects the intuition or sixth sense that dictates whether a person is trustworthy or not.

building relationships becomes a very difficult task. It’s like trying to climb a very high mountain when we have vertigo. The fear of falling increases with each step we take, until we feel we’re no longer even moving forward.

That’s why many people with pistanthrophobia cut off relationships abruptly. They can no longer continue climbing, deepening the relationship.

Pistanthrophobia is actually a serious phobia affecting your relationships with others.

To cut things short, pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting someone. If you just had a flashback to all your failed relationships, I’m sorry, but it had to be done. We’ll get through this together. Messy breakups either with friends or partners, don’t just leave us with a nauseated feeling in our stomachs every time we hear our ex friend/partner’s name, but they also leave us traumatized, paranoid of getting hurt by others and fearing our next relationship/friendship.

You may think you’re completely over your ex partner/best friend. If you’re sitting in a corner, shaking yourself to bed, I’m afraid to say that you may want to think otherwise.

Trust won’t come back overnight, neither in oneself nor in others. Therefore, to overcome pistanthrophobia, it’s important to get help. Psychologists can help us recover from our emotional wounds. By attacking the cause, we will likely solve the problem.

So, how do you know if you have pistanthrophobia? And if you do have it, how do you overcome this fear? Well, fear not, The What’s Up Cairo Team are here to help. Here’s all you need to know to get you living pistanthrophobia-free.

  1. You stalk them so much on social media that you become their biggest secret fan: It’s definitely not because you’re in every picture they’ve posted. You constantly want to know what their doing, who they’re with and who’s commenting.  Of course, if a hot girl/guy is commenting on your boy/girlfriend’s photo, you get a little curious, maybe even jealous. But your need to constantly know what they’re doing both in real and virtual life is a clear sign you don’t trust your partner. You have to understand that you are not in control of their actions and have to be able to trust that they will make the right choices. If you lack the trust in your partner, they wouldn’t feel comfortable at all.
  2. You want to snoop around on their phone: Have you figured out what’s the password on their phone yet? Okay, well, we all have some curiosity to creep on someone we like when they’re texting or checking Facebook, Instagram or any other social media app. However, going through their phone is completely different. Let’s get this one out of the way, shall we? Do they actually acknowledge the fact that you’re sniffing around in their phone? If not, then this is a pretty clear sign you have some major trust issues. Sure, if they’re not doing anything wrong, they wouldn’t have a reason to not let you look through their phone. However, there’s something called privacy, and everyone is entitled to it. So before anxiously typing in their password and scanning their texts, think twice.
  3. Learning a good grieving process is vital if we want to trust again. For this, we need to accept the pain we feel and not run from our feelings. Neither should we minimize the problem or look the other way.
  4. It takes time and rest. Your emotions have to stabilize, so it’s not a good idea to start a new relationship. You’re probably not ready to trust anyone again without past traumas reappearing.
  5. You always think of the worst case scenario: Are you already assuming that they’re cheating on you and you don’t quite know each other that well? They had to stay late at work and you assume they’re having an affair? Calm the hell down. Unless the signs are clear that they’re doing something unfaithful, you cannot jump to conclusions and assume the worst thing possible. When you enter a relationship with a negative mindset, that’s a clear indicator you have trust issues.
  6. Practice everyday situations that require trust. For example, delegate some things to your partner so your trust gradually increases. Do joint activities to naturalize the disorder. Trusting another person, besides being a real challenge, is also a vital necessity. The trust we have in those close to us has multiple benefits. Among them, it increases our happiness and self-confidence, allowing us to face our problems better and with less stress. It’s definitely worth the effort.
  7. You ask them too many questions and put them through tests: I’d actually blame fairytales for this one; we’re shown we constantly have to test our partner to make sure that they really care about us. They have to chase after us in the pouring rain or make them choose their friends over us. You know what will happen, right?Eventually, they’ll reach their limits of being tested. Listen, when you go into a relationship, you have to trust that they like you. And then after that, you let it take its course.

How to get over Pistanthrophobia, you ask? Here is how can you help yourself in overcoming your fear of trusting someone.

  1. Tell them: If you have Pistanthrophobia, then your partner has to know. The number one thing that keeps any relationship strong is communication and you have to talk to them about that. They’ll definitely reassure you that everything is fine. If this person really does care about you, then they’ll be patient and accepting. You guys are a team after all.
  2. Change your mindset: This is a hard one to do, but it’ll be worth it. What happens, happens. You have to let things take their course. If someone is going to cheat on you, they’re going to cheat on you. You cannot control other people’s actions. You can control yours. What is meant to be, it’ll be and you have nothing to do about it.
  3. Block/remove your partner from social media: It’ll take your mind of them a bit and by time, you’ll get used to it, you’ll feel less clingy. So, if you’re finding it hard to not creep their profiles every day—delete them. I know it’s pretty hard. You feel you’re not included in their lives; however, this is simply your insecurities and need for control. Delete them off of everything or unfollow them. It’ll take a couple days, but you’ll see how much better you’ll feel without obsessing over them—virtually and knowing every little tiny detail about them. Give yourself and them a break.
  4. Seek Therapy: If you suffer from pistanthrophobia, consider seeking a counselor. I know most people decide against heading to a therapy; they think they’re weak and cannot handle their own problems. However, that’s not the issue. It’s always easier getting an opinion from a third party who knows nothing about you. Plus, you get to talk to someone who’s unbiased and nonjudgemental. They’ll be able to root the problem and give you different solutions every single time you need a different solution. They’re always there when you need them and they’ll help you overcome it. I mean, even therapists go to therapists and you should never worry about what others think of you. You should do what’s best for you.

Don’t waste your precious time glued to your phone, creeping on your partner on every single social media account they have. Life is to be lived! Though pistanthrophobia adds a lot of pressure and strain on a relationship, you can overcome it. And you will!

Nadia Haitham, who is a sixteen year old teenager, fantasizes and creates images in people’s minds using written words. She has always admired the idea of writing ever since she was a little girl with piggy tails and somehow, she’s chasing her dream! Nadia is currently an IGCSE student in The Continental School Of Cairo and she’s in the eleventh grade. They say Nadia is too young but she asks repeatedly, “if I don’t start now, then when?!” She blows her candles on the fifteenth of July, her zodiac sign is Cancer and she’s Egyptian. In 2015, she has written her first completed book that’s called, “Love Of A Teenage Girl” which is published on a writing website called, Wattpad. She has won several awards for the book which she’s planning to publish in the future. Nadia has also written a few other books and created quotes of her own but she hasn’t completed them yet but she’s planning to. She’s into music and learning something new every single day using the help of the social media world. She believes that writing is an underestimated art, it’s exactly like painting colorful images in people’s minds by using words of black and white.

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Lifestyle

“El Shay Beta’ana Ya Basha!” Tipping Cultures

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tip jar

Tipping is quite common here in Egypt. People here tip all kind of service workers, from waiters to luggage clerks. But how is it like in other countries? Here is how it works in a couple of very different countries around the globe.

In Switzerland, people often round-up bills and to leave gratuities to hotel staff and workers. However, the country has one of the highest minimum wages in the world: waiters, for instance, earn over $4,000 a month. Thus, they are not as dependent on tips as their American counterparts.

As for an Asian country such as Japan, it is socially acceptable on occasions such as weddings, funerals, and special events, but on more common situations, it can actually make the receiver feel belittled, if not insulted. This is why hotel staff are usually trained to not accept tips in the most polite manner.

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Lifestyle

Loosing Virginity Before Marriage

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Virginity is a very sensitive topic in our society, and yes there are many of not virgin girls around us. Considering virginity as a taboo is not accepted anymore we have to open up and speak the truth without denying what we have. We interviewed 4 different girls from different backgrounds and age the same questions and here are the answers.

Do you regret losing your virginity before marriage?

How was your first night together?

Does the guy appreciate it or run away from you?

Would you do it again if you have the choice?

Are you afraid from the society?

What would you do if you marry another guy?

N.E , 36 years old, English Teacher 

Do You Regret Losing Your Virginity before Marriage?

Not at all

How was your first night together?

Dreamy, he was so tender and gentle. We were doing everything out of love. He cared for my pain so much. He turned up the candles light and the night was just perfect

Does the guy appreciate it or run away from you?

He appreciated it so much, and it was a milestone in our relationship. The relation become more stronger and serious with us

Would you do it again if you have the choice?

Definetly yes, I regret the time I took to decide to do it because definitely it worth it

Are you afraid from the society?

No one has the right to interfere in this very personal issue specially in this sick minded society.

What would you do if you marry another guy?

I will tell him the truth, and for him to accept it or not

F.S. 25 years old Photographer

Do You Regret Losing Your Virginity before Marriage?

No

How was your first night together?

it was not night, it was mid of the day. We didn’t plan for it, we started to make out and then it happened. It was nice and I didn’t freak out because I really wanted him that time.

Does the guy appreciate it or run away from you?

He was excited about it because we can have sex whenever he wants and our sexual chemistry was really good together. We broke up 2 years later not because of this, we are totally two different characters and we have got enough from our differences.

Would you do it again if you have the choice?

Yes, life is easier that way. And now I am allowed to know the relationship for real not waiting to get married to discover whether we are good sexually together or not.

Are you afraid from the society?

F**K them, no one is living my life

What would you do if you marry another guy?

Definitely I will marry another guy because we broke up and I don’t think that there is any problem in that. I will not get married to a guy without sleeping with him in order to make sure that we are matching and satisfying each other. Sex makes the relation stronger and you know the person on another level. Why would I take the risk of marrying someone I don’t know whether we are good sexually or not?? 

30 years old, marketer 

Do You Regret Losing Your Virginity before Marriage?

No

How was your first night together?

Bullshit, it was very painful and we didn’t know what we should do and how it goes.

We were doing it just to finish it and get the real sexual life after it. And actually this is what happened we didn’t enjoy it at the beginning but after a while we started to enjoy our sexual life so much and realized that we are perfect match sexually.

Does the guy appreciate it or run away from you?

He appreciated it and it gives him the feeling that “she is mine”. The concept of being the first one and the one I decided to give up my virginity for, makes us more intimate than anything else.

Would you do it again if you have the choice?

Yes but with the same guy maybe I wanted the situation to be different but not him

Are you afraid from the society?

no I don’t care what they think about me, and they will not know as well

What would you do if you marry another guy?

I will tell him the truth

22 years old, student 

Do You Regret Losing Your Virginity before Marriage?

no

How was your first night together?

not fun but I wanted to do it long time before that to set myself free and experience everything till the end

Does the guy appreciate it or run away from you?

Run away but I don’t care our sexual life was really bad together and I can experience it with someone else

Would you do it again if you have the choice?

Yes yes

Are you afraid from the society?

No, who cares

What would you do if you marry another guy?

I don’t want to get married now at all, but if one day I do he would know because definitely I will have sex with him before marriage and if he doesn’t accept it then we are two different mentalities and cannot be together, it’s take it or leave it.

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Lifestyle

How Can Ego Destroy A Relationship/Friendship?

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There was one time when I came across a quote that changed my perspective a bit, quoting, “To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego.” And ever since I read those words, I couldn’t get them out and I’ve used it in my daily, everyday life.

This is absolutely fundamental to finding an astonishing relationship, but it’s equally crucial to preserving and continually enhancing a relationship once you’re already in it.

Nothing will wreak a relationship (even the best of relationships) faster than ego.

Here are ways that ego can definitely destroy the relationship and how you you can steer clear of down-falling your relationship.

1. Prevent The Seduction To Protect Yourself: Think about the number of times you’ve engaged with your partner, and whenever things get a little boiled up you start to protect yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into “self defense” mode. Ego has a wicked way of making you perfect- not in your partner’s eyes, not in the world’s eyes but in your eyes alone. If you see yourself as ”Mr perfect” or “Miss perfect” then you would never have a successful relationship, and ego would wickedly make you think you are perfect. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself?

It also indicates that you’ve started to block the other person. You’ve temporarily stopped listening to the other person.  If someone tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. Communication is key in every relationship.

2. To Love Yourself And Someone Else Completely You Must Disconnect The Ego: In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all driven by our egos to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to maintain a truly outstanding relationship/friendship with someone.

3. Accept and give importance to others: it is one of the biggest challenges that we see in relationships. As every human is different from others and their opinions are also differ. It is very difficult to accept the point of views of other and make a compromise on them. If you don’t do so, it kills the relationships. Self-respect is very important for all, if you give importance to others, properly attend them and show affection, they notice it and such things matter a lot for others. This attitude strangers your relationship.

We should have the ability to listen to others effectively besides only speaking. Listening and understanding is the most important part of the successful interaction. We should value the other’s thinking if they right then accept them and if they are wrong then correct them.

4. Your Ego Can Ruin Any Conversation: You must have the ability to communicate others and to attend others in your conversation. So that people properly attend you, listen to you effectively and don’t make assumptions without listening. Most often, we let our pride or ego to take over the conversation. We think that we are already smart enough to even listen to other people. We think that we are better than other people and feel we have nothing more to learn from them. When we close ourselves and stop listening to other people, we are doomed because we stop learning. To eliminate this listening barrier, you have to be more open-minded to listen and learn from other people. Remember that you do not have to agree with everything, but it is helpful if you at least, listen to what they have to say. Effective communication skills have a great impact on your personality. The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have if you let it.

Giving time to people is a huge gift, in a world where time is the essence; mostly we have no time to give to our loved ones, being present in time you give time to people is a great blessing.

When you truly attend someone not thinking about the past, not worrying about the future, just focus on someone, such connection makes strong relationships.

Everyone has ego; I have ego, you have ego, we all have ego; it’s a natural instinct that’s placed in all humans. Ego isn’t bad per say but the degree of your ego is what can kill your relationship.

Gaining control of your ego is the best thing that you can do for yourself or else it will continue getting in the way of your relationships, your career, and your life.

In order to fully listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes your friend/partner has things that are really bothering them or they can’t really express how they truly feel about which they want to talk to you, but which you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from really listening.

So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing you to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Take a deep breath and pause for a little and start thinking and listening. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create such a cherished relationship/friendship.

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